I still hurt to my very core.
Anything that even remotely reminds me of you
makes my breath catch, my chest seize, my eyes go red,
makes my heart physically hurt.
I’m suspicious of everyone now.
New people, old people, friends.
What do they all want from me?
Am I acting correctly according to them?
When will they leave me?
All at once,
or will they go marching
I’ve never liked being drunk.
The fuzz in the head, not being in control,
possibly feeling like I have to puke.
But now, it makes me feel real,
feel alive. Feel something other than pain
when I think of you. But even then, I still feel pain.
I drink ‘til I can’t hold my head up,
until it’s as heavy as my heart.
I drink until I pass out.
The only time I can’t feel anything
is when I’m unconscious.
I can barely even look
at one of my favorite photos
of a Black & Tan at my favorite bar.
Because one of the last things you ever said to me
was that you liked that picture.
Fitting, that one of your favorite beverages
is helping me get over you.