Alone
I like the middle of the night,
it’s the time when I get to be truly alone
with my thoughts, my actions, myself.
Yes, sometimes my mind clicks on ‘him’
and I’m left sobbing for hours
curled up on the hardwood
unable to release myself from the hell-scape in my brain.
But there are also nights
just past 2am, when the neighborhood is silet
and I dance in the kitchen
while baking brownies
knowing that I won’t be interrupted by life.
Some nights I’ll crack a beer,
later than I know I should,
drinking until my head gets hazy
and I remember every damn little thing
that is wrong with myself,
and I question if I can truly get through another night.
And I just want to reach out
to someone who cares,
but it’s too late
to disturb anyone.
I like the nights
when I’m trapped in a book
and I don’t even notice
that the sun set hours ago
or the change from night to morning
until I happen to glance at the clock
that reads 3:30am.
But it doesn’t deter me
as I think Okay, just
one more chapter
and shift to my other hip
enjoying my freedom.
-----
Books can do the same to me. Just one more chapter ends up being another hour. Ha. The bad part of the middle of the night - if you really need someone who do you reach out to.
ReplyDeleteBooks, or anything that makes me lose track of time is GOOD. Great write here.
ReplyDeleteI really like the different experiences 2 a.m. brings to mind. I do think sometimes those late night times of being alone really get a person in touch with the self. There definitely is a feeling of freedom in being able to unashamedly read until 3:30 a.m. or bake brownies rather than sleep!
ReplyDelete"Shift to my other hip".... excellent!!
ReplyDeleteOh the magical and amazing things one can do late at night. And while it is true it is too late to awaken someone, it's the perfect time to bake brownies, to read, practice dance steps...everything is possible. Good contrasts in this - good time alone, sad time alone.....Hayes Spencer is Kanzensakura
ReplyDeleteI love getting lost in music at night... instrumentals mostly. That's also when I get most of my writing done... Anything that can make me lose track of time is great....
ReplyDeletePerhaps there are some qualities of being a poet that only blossom after 2am, when we become Poe's "creatures of the night", or Universal Pictures B&W "children of the night". It is the being alone, without being lonely, snugged up to your cat, your book, an old movie--not reliving some painful moment of the past; I too like the lines /and dance in the kitchen/while baking brownies/ laced with maryjane I hope.
ReplyDeleteI have never enjoyed night like this, except the book thing.. It's been a while but I have done it a few times. Maybe dancing in the night would be something,
ReplyDeleteI like this.. .honest... and you capture moments that we all have gone through
ReplyDelete"I like the nights / when I’m trapped in a book" the best place to be trapped in...lovely lines :)
ReplyDeleteThe freedom of the night is a wonderful brew.. of coffee beans unshelled to
ReplyDeletea life won true.. ugh.. without limits.. nightmares do sizzle.. ah.. without
limits.. the artist does.. come alive.. in 2 am hours of imaGiNary deLight!..:)
I love how you are up late often and spend the time letting go, whatever mood you are in...broken heart, dancing happily, reading....sounds familiar, it's a private time to indulge as we wish.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, those wonderful nights of reading :)
ReplyDelete