(Untitled...again.)

Yet again, gaining on the 2nd anniversary of her death, I was reminded of my friend Leigh, at a least expected time. Matt was Leigh's brother. He was a year behind me in school (Leigh was a senior when I was a Freshman in High School), I didn't really know him very well, but his death still haunts me too. We all graduated from Springfield Catholic High School. And, yet again, I wrote another poem trying to deal with her death.  Here it is.


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I used to believe in fate,

that given enough time

things would turn out right.

I thought that I had lost my innocence

a long time ago.

In high school, drunk and in bed

with a guy I didn’t even know.

Eight year later,

alone in my tiny apartment, in a tiny town,

with nowhere to run, I read the sentence

that there was no turning back from,

“RIP Leigh and Matt Nye.”

I stared in disbelief, hyperventilating.

No, no, no....no, no...

I texted Nick, the messenger,

“When did Leigh graduate Catholic?”

But he and I both knew

that I was seeking an unneeded confirmation.

All of my dreams seem to fall by the side

like a discarded thought or the day's fading light.

The Dropkick Murphys sung to me,

like they had done so many times in the past,

while I cried myself to sleep for days to come.

Heartfelt I’m sorrys

and heads hung in solidarity from coworkers

got me though before I could escape and go home.

At the funeral

as an ex-Catholic turned Atheist

I felt odd, yet comforted in a small church

that was beyond packed full

with friends and family of the deceased.

Going through the motions,

while silently remembering in my own way

put me back together

more than I though I could be at  that point.

Driving back up north,

nearly two years ago today,

I was at peace,

I though I had said my good-bye.

But here I am again,

sitting in my corner,

because I was reminded of Leigh.

So now, yet again,

I am listening to hardcore

and trying to come to terms

with why two people, siblings,

were taken so early.

And as I put pen to paper,

yet again, I wonder,

Will this bring closure

at last?